Quitting
Today I went for a 45 min walk around the running circle at the TLC with my mom. In the past few months my parents have begun to study Ti chi. so we have had a few conversations about martial arts. Today was the same as we ambled we talked. I told her about where I was and where I wanted to go. I let her know I had emailed Master Brinker and we had a firm date to start. She then asked me did he ask why you quit.
I said no he was just happy we were returning. Then for a moment I was speechless. Just a moment.
Why did I abandon my training in the first place? I have been so wrapped up in starting over again I did not take the time to think about why I stopped. I could go on forever about everything I lost when I stopped going to Kung Fu.
I thought I would convey my excuses as not to fall pray again to theses mistakes.
I eight mile myself so there is no excuse I could possible use. Now these are thoughts I have or had in head floating around. While floating around one can seem to find acceptance. As I write them down I can not believe how pathetic and petty they actually were.
- 6:40 a.m. am I crazy
- -30 and can not see through the frosted front door
- My training partner is pregnant
- I am lazy
- Life is to stressful to have another responsibility
- Accountability
- My uniform will not stay on because I am too overweight
- Too old
- Can not train to my old abilities
- Did I say I am lazy
These are most in a nutshell. So changes I have made or am making.
I have changed to the 9:00 class.
I will install command start and I bought training shoes.
Oliver is almost five and I have my training partner back.
Laziness is a work in progress.
Kung Fu will help with stress not add to it.
I need to be held accountable.
I am doing Body for life with a goal of 185 pounds by September 17th.
I will fix my uniform so it will stay together we have the technology.
Old is a mind set ask George Forman or Lance Armstrong.
Hard work will reinstate my abilities.
Monday, February 23, 2009 |
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Eight days until I commence. In reality I started 2 weeks ago. If I could bottle this feeling and sell it I would be rich. I would call it impetus it is that new relationship feeling. The comfort of the not knowing and the excitement of what is to come. Move over Dr. Phil here comes Impetus. Frances thinks it is me that has motivated her but really it is IMPETUS. In all actuality it is her that has enthused herself. To the point of me becoming an innocent bystander watching her do forms. Which I was all to content to do.
The high light of the week was as Frances and I started to train. Oliver decided we had not warmed up enough. He proceeded to climb on the pool table and take us through a proper warm up. It felt very normal Frances and I without hesitation followed every command. At the end of the warm up he looked at us and said.
“Someday I am going to be a master”
Unlike the times he has told us I would like to be a painter, heart Dr. Exterminator.
He used “I am going to be” instead of “I would like to be”.
Frances and said great but never really talked about it until later that night.
Oliver who is four and a half is the true motivation.
I am sure the three of us will all take different paths on the journey. I look forward to looking back at this past week as a landmark.
Sunday, February 22, 2009 |
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Why I have started to blog and what it means to me. I have major issues with expressing myself in a clear decisive way.
I have issues with follow through. By blogging I hope to self reflect through my blog to help with that challenge.
Example I have only been successful losing weight and getting in shape when I Journal.
This is the same idea.
I did not explain myself correctly when I tried to involve France in my new concept.(See yet another example of the poor communicator I am).
So I will try once more in a diffrent way. I love you Frances. Now thats a foot print :)
Tuesday, February 17, 2009 |
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Here we go a new challenge for me. I have been inspired to become a better communicator and leave a foot print of my life in cyber space.
I have always been a confusing communicator, I hope this helps.
This also seems like a great tool for self reflection. How do you know were you are going if you can not explain where you have been.
I have made a few incredible changes to my life in the last four or five months. I am sure I will bring light to these soon. My son Oliver has inspired me to re kindle a passion for the martial arts again. Instead of reading and watching movies I am hoping to get back to training. Oliver is 4 and a half and amazes me everyday he has been enrolled in Kung Fu for six months now and loves it.
The biggest change is ongoing and it is the mending of a broken path. For three long years Frances and I have travelled up different forks in the road. We recently have merged those two journeys. It always has amazed me how much we accomplish is such short time. We have made stake in our future and made a purchase in Las Vegas. I look forward to many years of travel and enjoyment. Not to say we are out of the dark I think it will take a lifetime of work and I am up for the challenge.
“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to morn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”
Buddha (Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.)
Sunday, February 15, 2009 |
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