Part one….
11:04 pm
The night before I start back to the place I should never have quit. I do feel a little shame and inadequacy. Hard work it is in the name. I need to embrace it enjoy it. Feel comfortable with the feeling. Be happy knowing that feeling is from pushing myself to that point.
The sick feeling of nausea after a tough shuttle run. Thinking my teeth were going to fall out after a fitness test. Aching legs during and after only minutes of excruciating horse stance.

I have a clear picture of where I am and who I am. I am not searching for myself. I want to improve myself and others around me. This is not arrogance but more of a statement. I would like to share my goal. To accomplish Black belt before I move past the age of forty three. That is almost four years from now. Every other goal is to help me achieve this.
At times like this I would get so wrapped up in the goal I would miss the journey. I vow to not let that happen. I will journal my entire passage. In my mind I have already succeeded. I have pictured this happening and have a vision of the year of the horse ceremony.

In that vein let me enjoy where I am today. I have an orange belt with half of the requirements for my green belt. I ran a mile in 11 mins. Two days ago. (4 mins. better then 2 weeks ago). I have run an eight min mile on more then one occasion. I can only do 30 push ups and 30 sit ups right now. I can not do a pull up. I need to shed 30 pounds to even start elite athlete training. I have not strayed from Body for life eating for 27 days. I have a wonderful family that learns from one another everyday.
Tomorrow………………………………………………………………………………

Part two…..

Baby step class one complete. I have a permanent smile on my face. Last night I wrote where I was. Now 12 hours later I am further. I can do 40 push ups. I did 40 sit ups then 10 more and struggled to do 40 more that were poor form, more wiggling then a sit up a deformed crunch but I tried not to stop.
I feel great and focused. The anxiety has left my body. I can’t wait for Wednesday.