Running to stand still....

Through my first week and my appetite for knowledge is ferocious. Every conscious and I would assume sub conscious thought are about martial arts. I am enjoying relearning skills I was doing at a level that I was comfortable. If I am able to always stay in this mind set I will accomplish any goal I set for myself. That mind set is moving into an uncomfortable state. The need to learn and move to the next milestone. I am asking myself am I doing every thing I can to right now to accomplish my goal.

This morning my equal came home from kung fu. First of all it starts at 6:40 AM and it is -33 who would like to talk about re-commitment, I am so proud of her. Then the greatest part of all.
“She say’s I learnt Kempo today”. She says smiling.
“I said all of part one in one day”.
“Yes she repeats would you like to see”.
“Come on of course I do”.
She moves through it no problem. I can not wait for her to show me more tonight as she ran off to get ready for work.

I have joined San Shou which starts tonight. I am a little excited and a little intimidated. I must remember it is about me and my journey every person in this class is going to help me down this path.

Here are my ponderings, I have an aggressive personality. Yet I am very passive and non confrontational in most cases. Now don’t get me wrong if I am correct on an issue I will argue with you until you see it my way. I do see this as a character flaw, but nobody is perfect and I am trying to change. I am extremely competitive and due to arrogance mainly I have quashed competition out of my life. My hope is to learn to humble and enjoy competition again.

This week has started out incredibly I can’t wait for more.
Brady

Part one….
11:04 pm
The night before I start back to the place I should never have quit. I do feel a little shame and inadequacy. Hard work it is in the name. I need to embrace it enjoy it. Feel comfortable with the feeling. Be happy knowing that feeling is from pushing myself to that point.
The sick feeling of nausea after a tough shuttle run. Thinking my teeth were going to fall out after a fitness test. Aching legs during and after only minutes of excruciating horse stance.

I have a clear picture of where I am and who I am. I am not searching for myself. I want to improve myself and others around me. This is not arrogance but more of a statement. I would like to share my goal. To accomplish Black belt before I move past the age of forty three. That is almost four years from now. Every other goal is to help me achieve this.
At times like this I would get so wrapped up in the goal I would miss the journey. I vow to not let that happen. I will journal my entire passage. In my mind I have already succeeded. I have pictured this happening and have a vision of the year of the horse ceremony.

In that vein let me enjoy where I am today. I have an orange belt with half of the requirements for my green belt. I ran a mile in 11 mins. Two days ago. (4 mins. better then 2 weeks ago). I have run an eight min mile on more then one occasion. I can only do 30 push ups and 30 sit ups right now. I can not do a pull up. I need to shed 30 pounds to even start elite athlete training. I have not strayed from Body for life eating for 27 days. I have a wonderful family that learns from one another everyday.
Tomorrow………………………………………………………………………………

Part two…..

Baby step class one complete. I have a permanent smile on my face. Last night I wrote where I was. Now 12 hours later I am further. I can do 40 push ups. I did 40 sit ups then 10 more and struggled to do 40 more that were poor form, more wiggling then a sit up a deformed crunch but I tried not to stop.
I feel great and focused. The anxiety has left my body. I can’t wait for Wednesday.

Eight days until I commence. In reality I started 2 weeks ago. If I could bottle this feeling and sell it I would be rich. I would call it impetus it is that new relationship feeling. The comfort of the not knowing and the excitement of what is to come. Move over Dr. Phil here comes Impetus. Frances thinks it is me that has motivated her but really it is IMPETUS. In all actuality it is her that has enthused herself. To the point of me becoming an innocent bystander watching her do forms. Which I was all to content to do.
The high light of the week was as Frances and I started to train. Oliver decided we had not warmed up enough. He proceeded to climb on the pool table and take us through a proper warm up. It felt very normal Frances and I without hesitation followed every command. At the end of the warm up he looked at us and said.

“Someday I am going to be a master”

Unlike the times he has told us I would like to be a painter, heart Dr. Exterminator.
He used “I am going to be” instead of “I would like to be”.
Frances and said great but never really talked about it until later that night.

Oliver who is four and a half is the true motivation.

I am sure the three of us will all take different paths on the journey. I look forward to looking back at this past week as a landmark.

Why I have started to blog and what it means to me. I have major issues with expressing myself in a clear decisive way.

I have issues with follow through. By blogging I hope to self reflect through my blog to help with that challenge.

Example I have only been successful losing weight and getting in shape when I Journal.

This is the same idea.

I did not explain myself correctly when I tried to involve France in my new concept.(See yet another example of the poor communicator I am).

So I will try once more in a diffrent way. I love you Frances. Now thats a foot print :)